What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics!
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing; it just waved.
Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt quacks!
Why did the bullet end up losing his job? He got fired.
How do you measure a snake? In inches, they don’t have feet.
Husband (on the phone with his wife): "You are very dear." Wife: “Thanks.” Husband: “You’re exactly like a princess.” Wife: “Thank you so much. And tell me, What are you doing?” Husband: “I was just sitting idle, so I thought I’d crack a joke."
Husband and wife have a heated argument: Husband (angrily): “I’ll find 50 women just like you!” Wife (laughs): “Even now, you want someone just like me.” Ah, the joys of marital banter!
Doctor: “Is your blood and your wife’s blood the same?” Man: “Why not? It must be! For the past fifty years, she has been drinking my blood.”
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh
Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
How do you organize a space party? You “planet”!
What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!”
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
What do you call a snowman with a sunburn? A puddle.
Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? Because he was outstanding in his field!