Humor Quotes

So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy? You could say...

So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy? You could say that. Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out the car window if you feel like it. I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever.
Cassandra Clare

You possess other people's...bodies. He accepted that statement with a nod. Do y...

You possess other people's...bodies. He accepted that statement with a nod. Do you want to possess my body? I want to do a lot of things to your body, but that's not one of them.
Becca Fitzpatrick

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
George Carlin

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
Terry Pratchett

Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because...

Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.
Neil Gaiman

What are all these? Clary asked. Vials of holy water, blessed knives, steel and...

What are all these? Clary asked. Vials of holy water, blessed knives, steel and silver blades, Jace said, piling the weapons on the floor beside him, electrum wire - not much use at the moment but it's always good to have spares - silver bullets, charms of protetion, crucifixes, stars of David- Jesus, said Clary I doubt he'd fit. Jace. Clary was appalled.
Cassandra Clare

He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken...

He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check if I'm happy...
J.K. Rowling

Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.

Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.
Dr. Seuss

Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.

Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.
Suzanne Collins

Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.

Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.
Tamora Pierce

Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back.

Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back.
J.K. Rowling

Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?

Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?
Douglas Adams

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with...

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is...

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
Oscar Wilde

I'm not going to wear a red dress, she said. It would look stunning, My Lady, sh...

I'm not going to wear a red dress, she said. It would look stunning, My Lady, she called. She spoke to the bubbles gathered on the surface of the water. If there's anyone I wish to stun at dinner, I'll hit him in the face.
Kristin Cashore

Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder wh...

Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
Bill Watterson

I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bit...

I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.
Madonna

Some people say, Never let them see you cry. I say, if you’re so mad you could j...

Some people say, Never let them see you cry. I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.
Tina Fey

Why were you lurking under our window? Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were...

Why were you lurking under our window? Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy? Listening to the news, said Harry in a resigned voice. His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage. Listening to the news! Again? Well, it changes every day, you see, said Harry.
J.K. Rowling

The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. L...

The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me.
Cassandra Clare