Humor Quotes

Begin at the beginning, the King said, very gravely, and go on till you come to...

Begin at the beginning, the King said, very gravely, and go on till you come to the end: then stop.
Lewis Carroll

You guessed? You must have been pretty sure, considering you could have killed m...

You guessed? You must have been pretty sure, considering you could have killed me. I was ninety percent sure. I see, Clary said. There must have been something in her voice, because he turned to look at her. Her hand cracked across his face, a slap that rocked him back on his heels. He put his hands on his cheek, more in surprise than pain. What the hell was that for? The other ten percent.
Cassandra Clare

Don't talk to me. Why not? Because I want to fix that in my memory for ever. Dra...

Don't talk to me. Why not? Because I want to fix that in my memory for ever. Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret...
J.K. Rowling

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good hu...

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Charles Dickens

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns

You haven't got a letter on yours, George observed. I suppose she thinks you don...

You haven't got a letter on yours, George observed. I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge.
J.K. Rowling

Love conquers all, Aphrodite promised. Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let any...

Love conquers all, Aphrodite promised. Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them? Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed? Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart.
Rick Riordan

The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a...

The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.
Douglas Adams

My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.

My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.
Winston S. Churchill

Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of D...

Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby's hats.
J.K. Rowling

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to...

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.
Oscar Wilde

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Anthony G. Oettinger

That does it, said Jace. I'm going to get you a dictionary for Christmas this ye...

That does it, said Jace. I'm going to get you a dictionary for Christmas this year. Why? Isabelle said. So you can look up 'fun.' I'm not sure you know what it means.
Cassandra Clare

Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.

Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.
Rick Riordan

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Oscar Wilde

I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it.

I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it.
Edgar Allan Poe

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
Terry Pratchett

Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life throu...

Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.
Dr. Seuss

Happiness is a warm puppy.

Happiness is a warm puppy.
Charles M. Schulz

So please, oh please, we beg, we pray, Go throw your TV set away, And in its pla...

So please, oh please, we beg, we pray, Go throw your TV set away, And in its place you can install A lovely bookshelf on the wall. Then fill the shelves with lots of books.
Roald Dahl